counter-love

Because I love you I have grown used to your moods,

your shadows after midnight in the living room 

and the doubt in your voice when you are reaching 

for truth. I give you all I have and seek more 

for giving, for trust building 

and healing. I know

you need it all. 

Because I love you I speak so my words are not hail

but snow - 

soft and weightless - 

and because I would not dare raise my arms

to place my hands over your shoulders

for comfort

I craft my words into light and harmless touch,

a quiet song for your heart to not break any more

from these themes of loss and lack of hope

in our lives.

Because I love you I adapt to your body the borders

you need for safety, I move between your bones

and shift my skin as needed to not stir 

possibilities for fire, even 

if I want to burn. 

Because I love you I listen to your voice breaking,

make love to silence in between each of your pauses

and hold space to be filled with the story you must tell

again and again. I know you need a witness 

for each time you had to stay silent

in self-preservation. 

Because I love you I stand by in the war you enter, 

each time ask me to leave the battlefield, 

go on your own. I am ready to meet you 

when you arrive at my door, asking not to be judged

for each choice you have had to make

alone.

Because I love you I become the space you need

even in your absence. I become a selfless thought,

guide our collective dream 

beyond the boundaries of material 

and imagination. I know you need 

someone else to believe.

Because I love you I mold desire into work

we must get done. 

I leave behind any poems I write.

(April 2015)